what in the world???

confused, yes. do i know what i'm doing? the resounding answer to that is, "NO!"

some think i got "it" all figured out because i go to church and am part of a church family. that does not mean i know what is going on or what will my plans are for the future.

like, ryan. i love ryan and i don't think that's going to change. i thought going on a date would help, it didn't. i thought flirting with someone who was showing some interest would help, it didn't. i don't believe me moving ot of our house will help me at all. i'd just be lost and mostly alone.

oh he guy i was flirting with last week, was a cool guy and ry was a bit disappointed that i didn't get any contact info for him. so, i found a way to get to his softball tourney yesterday. it turns out that an old friend was in the same league, now i had a good reason to be there. hahaha... then i found out that the guy i was flirting with is definitely more than 4 years younger than me and showed no interest in me. so much for learning to get my "mac" on. i really didn't feel like doing it anywho, it wouldn't be fair to myself or the other person. yeah, dating someone while in love with another shouldn't work. at least i don't believe it should.

the upside to all this is that i know i can still feel love.