Happy 2010!

yep, i've been blogging away on xanga although i have to admit that it is prettier on blogger. why did i stray? in all fairness the xanga account came first and i have a thing for doing what i can with what i have. now, i know that these blog pages do not bring me any type of income, even with the google adsense or whatever it is called. i guess it is party of who i am?

things are never really pretty for me and i did have my grunge/punk phase growing up which may account for the part of me that sometimes welcomes a little mess. the strange thing is, things were pretty when my ex was around. he always had a way of making things pretty, even code. the best i ever did was have what he called, "sexy engineer writing" back in college. i've had arm problems since then and would like to get that cute engineer writing back if at all possible.

i believe i started out this new year with some positive steps to improvement. i am now enrolled in the financial peace university at my church and that consists of 14 weeks of learning to manage my finances to bring about future peace for myself, family, and friends. i've also discovered that having my dog around has brought about some good exercise and sleeping habits for myself.

during the holiday season colleagues in my office thought it would be the perfect time to bring a "biggest loser" competition in the office. SADISTS! (either way, my team won) the good part of all this is that i had lost 6 lbs in the weeks before the competition an i ended up losing an additional 12. this does require some commitment but it is not unhealthy or impossible. in fact, i found out that my problem is that i didn't eat enough and that my body had been storing fat for a rainy day. once this epiphany hit me, i began eating healthy foods and drinking lots of water (bottle clear & vitamin water) on a regular basis. there's all that and thanks to a colleague and luck i got a chance to try this helpful free, itunes application on an ipod touch (i won in a raffle). it's called lose it! and it has helped me so much with helping me hit my caloric goals for the day and in some cases... make sure i don't overstep my boundaries. the screenshots for this app show how thorough and simple this process can be. after you've hit a certain mark, your eating habits will change, and your goal won't seem so far fetched.

what in the world???

confused, yes. do i know what i'm doing? the resounding answer to that is, "NO!"

some think i got "it" all figured out because i go to church and am part of a church family. that does not mean i know what is going on or what will my plans are for the future.

like, ryan. i love ryan and i don't think that's going to change. i thought going on a date would help, it didn't. i thought flirting with someone who was showing some interest would help, it didn't. i don't believe me moving ot of our house will help me at all. i'd just be lost and mostly alone.

oh he guy i was flirting with last week, was a cool guy and ry was a bit disappointed that i didn't get any contact info for him. so, i found a way to get to his softball tourney yesterday. it turns out that an old friend was in the same league, now i had a good reason to be there. hahaha... then i found out that the guy i was flirting with is definitely more than 4 years younger than me and showed no interest in me. so much for learning to get my "mac" on. i really didn't feel like doing it anywho, it wouldn't be fair to myself or the other person. yeah, dating someone while in love with another shouldn't work. at least i don't believe it should.

the upside to all this is that i know i can still feel love.

Randomness!!!

Why do I call this randomness? Well, that's how I am. My thoughts are sometimes totally off the radar from a current talk I'm having. I seriously need conversational traffic lights to help me and others know where I'm going with whatever I'm blabbering about.

I'm not saying that what I talk about is nonsense, it just sounds like gibberish unless you take a little effort to decode it. I can't always position my thoughts and words in the correct order; but, after you put the puzzle together we got ourselves a fun conversation. That's part of the reason I'm a Toastmaster. It isn't to bring a bad name to the organization and it isn't to rid a fear of public speaking (I'm a born soapbox speaker)... I'm in the club to enhance the organization of my thoughts. Granted, going back to college for a Composition course "might" do the same trick but I think having Toastmasters on a resume looks better.

Quick epiphany... I love puzzle games and that might be what's playing into the formatting of my thoughts. I also loved the book Freakonomics because it gets people thinking outside the box. Although I may sound like I'm speaking in riddle sometimes, I still need to work on thinking outside the box and in the other parties'perspective.

Before I work on thinking from other peoples' point of view, I need to know who I am and where I stand on things. Self reflection is something I'll be focusing in the next couple weeks. Knowing who I am should assist me in finding out who I'd want to be with, right?

I know this much about myself. I love country and most things related to it. I am into grunge, rock, metal, hip-hop, and I enjoy participating in all sports. Now I just need to get my lazy body out of this stupid chair that I've been stuck in for years now.

I'll be requesting a couple vaca days from work and I'll, of course, use them right next to a weekend. Oh, this isn't just for the self-reflection... this is because I can't remember when the last time was that I took a real, relaxing vacation somewhere.

Now I just need to plan on an activity or a destination. I'm contacting my long lost relatives to see if we can spend some time getting re-acquainted. Oh, I'm sorry... I'm the long lost relative that nobody could find. Then again, I don't think they tried hard enough. Just Google me and I'm like the first page of results.